Killing Lucas Read online

  “You really need a name for this guy, you know. You can’t keep calling him dog.”

  “I was thinking Monsta.”

  “You were thinking about calling this cutie Monster?”

  “No, Monst-ah. As in the green Monstah.”

  “You want to name your puppy after the green wall at Fenway Park? Don’t you think that’s a wee bit obsessive?” She giggled. “Why not beaah, or hawt dog?”

  “For an actress, your Boston accent is pretty horrid, you know.”

  “I’m working on it. If you’re interested in naming the little guy after the Red Sox, why not just name him Fenway?”

  Fenway? Why hadn’t he thought of that? Damn, the name was perfect—but did he want her naming his dog? “I’ll think about it.”

  She sighed. She rubbed the bulldog’s ears and let her head fall back. “You won’t think about it because I came up with the name. Why are we doing this? No one will believe we’re back together. You don’t even like me—hell, you hate me. How are you going to pretend you love me? Just drop me at the gate, and let’s forget this stupid plan.”

  “I don’t have to convince anyone that I love you, just that I’m interested.”

  “But you aren’t.”

  “I’ll pretend. We’re going to do this because we need to get this guy off the street so no one else gets hurt. Then you can go on and live a normal life again, and I don’t have to look over my shoulder all the time.”

  Silence filled the car for the next five miles. When he was about to reach for the radio to fill the awkward quiet, she spoke.

  “I’ve been saving up.” Her voice seemed distant, and Lucas wondered if she knew she was even talking out loud. He stole a glance, but she seemed a million miles away. She looked so vulnerable with the morning sun reflecting off her auburn hair. “I hope very soon I can just disappear, fall off the map, and no one can find me. I even bought a house in Canada, in the middle of nowhere. Off the grid. You would love it; solar and wind powered. Totally green. No one knows about it, not my manger, accountant, or even my assistant. I paid cash for the land and slowly have been having it built. No one person is working on it. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

  “You’re going to let this maniac win.”

  “No, I’m going to disappear and hope he just stops looking for me.”

  “It doesn’t work that way, Kiloran. He’ll do everything in his power to find you again. And when that doesn’t work, he’ll just switch his attentions to someone else, maybe someone who looks like you. You’ve been lucky none of the attacks have been directed at you. But if you disappear without finding out who this is, that next woman may not be so lucky.”

  “I can’t keep this up. I’ve been dealing with it for so long. I want a normal life. I want to stop being scared.”

  Lucas grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. No one, not even Kiloran, deserved to be this terrified. “We will find this asshole. I promise.”

  “I am so tired.”

  “Well, you don’t have to do it alone now.”

  “Luc, you said last night that you doubted that I was sorry.”

  “Stop.”

  “Please know I am sorry but not for the reason you think. I’m sorry that I hurt you, and I should have pushed you away long before I did, long before either of us fell in love—”

  “Stop.”

  “But—”

  Slamming on the breaks he turned to her, grabbing her face. “You’ll never know what seeing you in our bed with another man did to me, so don’t ever compare your feelings with what mine were.”

  “But it wasn’t what it appeared, Lucas—”

  “It was exactly how it appeared. Don’t mention it again. It’s not a subject open for discussion, and it’s not something I can think about if we’re going to make this work. Do I make myself clear?”

  He slammed his fist into the steering wheel. Damn it. Only a honk from behind kept Lucas from jumping out of the car and away from this woman who could still, after everything, hurt him. He had done an amazing job convincing himself he was over her. But after the last twenty-four hours he knew only one thing: he wasn’t anywhere near over anything.

  Hostile silence reigned for the rest of the ride. She seemed to understand it was best to remain quiet with his temper still too close to boiling to be safe. But Lucas didn’t miss the anxious way she kept wringing her hands in her lap. If he were a bigger man, he’d care about her discomfort, or consider there might be more to the story after all. But if that were the case, all she would have had to do was say no to his proposal. That would have been enough to get the point across.

  The truth of it was that he had been good enough to fuck but not to marry. He wasn’t what the great movie star had needed.

  Pulling into the makeshift movie lot, Kiloran talked them through security. Although thankful not to have to stand around arguing with a rent-a-cop, it meant Lucas had to have a good chat with the head of security. They needed to be made aware of the situation. What if she was bringing him here under duress? They couldn’t do their job if they were as in the dark about her stalker as he had been all those years ago.

  His anger resurfaced when they walked into the area filled with the stars’ trailers. As they approached, Kiloran’s door—and everyone else’s—was wide open, unlocked and welcoming any crazy yahoo to come on in and have a seat. Lucas added that to his mental list of issues that needed to be addressed. Amazed at the lack of security, including Kiloran’s lack of bodyguard protection, he redoubled his conviction to get this crackpot and fast.

  Looking around the small trailer, he couldn’t help but notice the photos of them taped to her mirror. She hadn’t pulled those out to impress him or make others think that they were back together. She hadn’t been here since before the police station. And no one could have foreseen Tony’s crazy plan, let alone have believed anyone, least of all Lucas, would go along with it. So what did that mean? So many emotions swirled through him, some too complex to pin point. But as he looked, a keen sense of loss washed over him, for once without the bitterness that usually came with it. Just a sense of sadness for what once was.

  “I’d forgotten about this day.” He indicated to the photo at the top taken at a wine festival they had gone to with a cousin of his.

  She reached up and brushed the photo with a gentleness that bothered him. “It’s my favorite picture of us.”

  Unable to look at the photo or her, he took a seat on the sofa at the back of the trailer and opened his laptop, leaving her to run her lines and prepare for the day. But the images of that day kept running through his head. His cousin Alec, a well-respected photographer, had asked them to come with him. He’d wanted company while he took photographs for the festival. And, he’d admitted, a good picture of Kiloran would make him a mint. Though Lucas had been leery—he had hated the attention she garnered everywhere they went—she’d agreed, loving the idea of getting out of the city for a weekend.

  The day had been amazing. Probably why Lucas had forced himself to forget about it. Only a handful of people had recognized her in her big floppy hat and glasses, and they were respectful of her privacy. And as much as Alec had claimed he’d needed photos of Kiloran, the ones he had taken hadn’t ever ended up in print. Except one for the Wine Festivals advertisement the next year, and that was at Kiloran’s request. She’d insisted that if her face would help promote an amazing event, she wanted to help.

  But it was the photo of the two of them that had been his favorite too. Taken when neither had been aware anyone was watching, she was looking up at him with a smile, holding her hat as the wind tried to blow it off her head, and he smiling down at her with a look of pure love no one could miss it. It was the picture Lucas had hoped to use to announce their engagement.

  “Sorry, Kiloran, I could
n’t get out of bed today.” Nancy, Kiloran’s assistant for years, bustled in, breaking through his musings.

  Taking her seat in front of the makeup mirror, she looked at the middle-aged woman with a smile. “It’s been one of those mornings, I think. You remember Lucas, don’t you?”

  Nancy turned and although she tried to hide her shock, she didn’t quite manage it. “If it isn’t Lucas Sherman! Aren’t you a blast from the past.” She looked between the two of them questioning, eyebrows raised and mouth open in surprise.

  “We’ve decided to get to know one another again. See if there isn’t a second chance for us.” Kiloran’s voice held a hint of hope, and he wondered for a second if it was real. He didn’t have much time to think on it, though.

  Lucas had somehow forgotten Nancy was a hugger, and when her arms wrapped around him he did his best to relax. But he didn’t miss the smirk on Kiloran’s face at his discomfort. Pulling away from her, he went over the advice Tony had given them the night before, the tips to make people believe they were an item again. Then he remembered: redirect the attention. So people remembered that it had been good before and that he still remembered those in her life with fond memories.

  Fuck, he really sucked at this people-person stuff. Looking up, he saw Kiloran stand and do a mock run in place and hold up five fingers and the sign for K. He tossed her a grateful smile. “So, Nancy, are you still running all those 5Ks?”

  “I am! I can’t believe you remembered that.” Nancy moved over the far end of the trailer and opened a few drawers pulling out some brushes. “Come on, we need to get you ready for hair and makeup.”

  Lucas sat back down as Kiloran returned to her seat in the makeup chair letting Nancy work through those gorgeous red locks until they shined. And for the first time, he let himself remember what it had been like to run his fingers through her hair. How he had loved the feel of it when he made love to her, looking down at her, her eyes shut and mouth slightly open, her hands above her head and her fingers intertwined with his…

  Fuck!

  Looking up, Lucas realized he had said that out loud. The last thing he wanted to do was remember how damned good sex had been with her. “I forgot my flash drive,” he lied. He stood abruptly, waking the puppy at his feet. “I hope I left it in the car.”

  Lucas excused himself and was just opening the door when Kiloran called the puppy over. “Come here, Fenway.”

  “His name isn’t Fenway,” he said in a near growl.

  “Well, until you come up with a better name I’m calling him Fenway.” She looked at Nancy in the mirror, a playful smile forming on her lips. “Which means he will forever be Fenway.”

  “Oh, you two. Lord, you would never believe you hadn’t been together for all these years.”

  That left Lucas as he walked to the car at least relieved, if not thankful, that if they had fooled the person closest to Kiloran, everyone else would fall into place. But what did that mean for his mental well-being in the end?

  With his flash drive in his pocket and knowing he didn’t really want to be back in a trailer that would soon be filled with a bunch of gossiping people, Lucas focused his attentions on the real issue at hand—the stalker. He managed to locate the head of security, who showed the right amount of concern and outrage. Both for the situation and for being left in the dark about it.

  “No unusual packages or people hanging around the trailers?”

  “It’s a movie shoot. We get new people coming in every day just to get a glimpse at the stars. But nothing has ever been delivered to Ms. O’Connor, at least nothing that’s gone through my department. But if there is, I’ll make sure we open it first to inspect it.”

  “And about letting strangers on the lot?”

  “We’ll do our best, but we’re surrounded by woods. We can keep the cars out, but not someone determined to get in by foot. I’ll have my men step up the patrol around the trailers and make sure it’s locked tight until she arrives.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Benson, I appreciate it.”

  Crossing one thing off his mental checklist, Lucas worked on the next item—the one he had been dreading. He picked up his phone and called his mother. No surprise, she picked up on the first ring. “Lucas Sherman, where are you?”

  “Good morning, Mom.”

  “That didn’t answer my question.”

  “I am thirty-two years old. I don’t have to tell you where I am.”

  “Joseph, this son of yours will be the death of me.” Lucas could picture his mother glaring at his father as he sat at the breakfast table, newspaper in hand, enjoying a cup of coffee. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to drag it out of your brother?”

  “Tony won’t say a word unless I tell him to, Mom. But I will tell you where I am so you can stop your worrying. I’m in the Berkshires.”

  “What could you possible—oh my. You’re with that woman, aren’t you?”

  “Mom, you have to trust me.”

  “That’s exactly what Tony and Hunter said.”

  “So did I,” Joseph said somewhere in the background.

  His could hear his mother grimace over the phone. “And so did your father.”

  “So trust me.”

  There was a pause followed by a muffled sound in the distance that could only be his father mumbling about something as he left the kitchen. “It’s not you we don’t trust, Lucas. I don’t want to see you go through that again. It would break my heart. Please—”

  “I know what I’m doing.”

  “Well, what about your house? Shouldn’t you be dealing with that?”

  “Hunter said he would take care of it before they head back to New York. Besides, there isn’t a lot to do; he’s just going to have a team he trusts deal with the insurance company.”

  “Do you need anything? What if your father and I—”

  “No. Don’t even think about it. Stay there for now. I just need my space.” And of everything, that was the truth. He didn’t want his mother worried about him and it was best for everyone to keep Kiloran and his parents at a good distance. “Look, Mom, I have to go. Love you.”

  She tried one more time to change his mind, but for everyone’s safety it was best if they just stayed away.

  Chapter Five

  “What the hell is wrong?”—Lucas to Kiloran

  Kiloran dozed the entire ride home, waking only when she heard the gravel driveway under the car’s tires. Yawning, she looked up at the large house, dark and foreboding in its silence. Why had her agent negotiated such a large place for her? She didn’t need anything this size. She wanted something small and private. But private it was, on a curvy road with only one or two houses around.

  “Sorry I slept the whole time,” she said as the she walked beside him to the stone steps to the front door, he placed the puppy on the ground before looking back at her.

  “It’s been a long day, and I bet you didn’t sleep much last night either.”

  It wasn’t as though she could tell him she hadn’t slept much in years, not with all the feelings churning through her: fear, guilt, terror, loneliness, to name a few. None of which Lucas would understand. He had made it perfectly clear this morning that no matter what she had to say he A) didn’t want to hear it and B) wouldn’t believe her anyway. Ten minutes of his undivided attention and she could fix this mess between them, she knew it. Kiloran didn’t want to pretend they were still together. She wanted it to be real.

  She wanted so much more than what she had right now. She wanted this man. She still loved him—that would never change. No matter what he thought. She had loved him enough to push him away for his own safety. She loved him so much that even now with all his hatred, she still loved him. She wanted to feel his arms around her, for him to reach for her to touch her the way he used to.

 
“Earth to Kil. You coming in?”

  She blinked and realized he was holding the door open. He must have disarmed the alarm already too. “Sorry; still groggy.”

  “Come on, I’ll find out what we have to make for supper, and then we can get you to bed.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t have to thank me. Don’t know how long we will be together like this. I may not like it, but at least we can be civil.”

  She let her face drop and was thankful that his back was to her as he walked away into the kitchen. With every word he cut into her. Not that she didn’t believe she deserved it. She knew no matter what her reasons, Lucas’s anger was justified. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. She let herself wonder for a moment what if…what if she hadn’t been a famous actress…what if they had just met as normal people? What if…?

  “Why don’t you go get a shower? By the time you’re done I’ll have dinner ready,” he suggested, sticking his head around the corner for a second before going back to whatever he was doing in the kitchen.

  Bone-weary, she didn’t even bother to answer him. Kiloran headed up the long staircase, counting the steps as she went, hoping that would speed her ascent. Before now, the full schedule and long hours had made her life easier to bear. When she was working, she didn’t think about Lucas, she could be someone else. But when the cameras turned off, Kiloran was left to her own thoughts. Even Nancy’s endless chatter didn’t help anymore. Her voice sounded like an adult character in a kids’ cartoon, all mumbles and nonsense words that made no sense. But then Nancy just talked and talked and never really seemed to ask for much conversation from Kiloran. Just as well, Kiloran honestly had no idea seventy-five percent of the time what was said. Now between her shooting schedule, the stalker, and living with Lucas, Kiloran was close to a mental breakdown.